Do you have a hard time saying NO to things that you really don’t want to do? Do you keep agreeing to do something before considering the meaning and consequences of it?
Do you tolerate inappropriate comments or rude people just because you’re scared to induce conflicts, or you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings?
The most important thing to consider is that having weak boundaries increase your stress and anxiety, threatens your self-esteem, and prevents you from living the life of your dreams.
Here are four practical steps that you can learn to stand up for yourself and be treated with respect.
Clearly identify your boundary
Get really clear with yourself defining your emotional, physical, and intellectual boundaries; with friends, family, and partners. If you aren’t clear, you won’t be able to know when to draw a line and communicate your needs. Take your time figuring out your emotional experiences such as discomfort, resentment, frustration, or maybe anger with others, they are perhaps related to your limits being crossed. This will help you to clear up when someone is overstepping your boundaries.
Be Direct
The only successful approach to alert others that your boundaries have been crossed is to be direct with them: Say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t try to be imprecise in order to please someone or avoid conflict. It can be scary at first to be assertive. So start small by building your assertive skills by keeping your anger in check, and use a calm and polite tone to avoid putting others on the defensive and distracting them from hearing your message. This will feel uncomfortable at first, but as you practice it, the personal power you gain will make it easier.
Don’t apologize, or justify
You don’t need to explain or justify your boundaries. This kind of behavior threatens your authority and gives others the feeling that you’re wrong and that you’re doing something that requires apologies or justifications.
Guilt is the most common obstacle to self-care; setting boundaries come often with a deep feeling of guilt. At first, you will feel guilty about making yourself a priority. Remember you are as important as other people. To overcome this feeling, accept it and see it as a sign that you are on the right road for taking care of your needs, and what’s important to you.
Practice makes perfect
It’s easier to set boundaries in a new environment with new people than to tighten boundaries with family members or old friends. But pay attention to not falling into people-pleasing behaviors. When you integrate into a new place such as a new job, you naturally want to be nice to others and to fit in. This behavior can lead you to neglect your needs and to struggle to speak up for yourself.
After all, remember that not telling someone that they have crossed the line leads them to confusion.
These four basic steps will guide you in your self-care journey, by setting and maintaining healthy boundaries, you will get a sense of power and control over your life, boost your self-esteem, and build healthy relationships. As you say no to other people, you start to say yes to yourself.
